* 13 Jan 2010 WHERE IS ROBERT ROBIN?

13 Jan 2010.
this blog helps me get thru the dreary discomfort of heaterless days - so here we are then....
✫•❤´¯`•.☆
Bulletin from the UK Cold Snap 2010. Wed 13 Jan
subtitle: OU SE TROUVE LE ROBERT ROBIN?

BACKGROUND: Coldest snap in UK for 30 years. No central heating or hot water in our house since New Years Day. Been living in the SofaNest near the gas fire. Ablutions by kettle, flannel and wet-wipes. Small, sissy, car, Miss Minerva Micra, stuck on road. No 1 daughter, Shans, throws toy baboons and lives upstairs next to her space heater. Engineers arrived Monday and are Tea Yuppies, all drink designer Tea. Our village was in chaos - traffic gridlock on icy roads.

WEATHER REPORT
Last night (-7C), after a "mild" Tuesday (1C) we had a further 2" (5cm) of snow, so again treacherous ice under a disguise of sparkling, white snow.
Later: 09:00 a.m. GMT. Still snowing. Now 7cm (3") additional snow
NO ROADS, NO WORKMEN.
Gentle sobbing from Wimpy Ninja-Gran in SofaNest.

A LITTLE CHILLI LIME WITH YOURS?
Yesterday we discovered that our heat engineers are SO much more than Tea Yuppies.
Lunch time arrived, and Pa'rick popped his bald head into the SofaNest area, "We're just making our lunch. Do you mind if we borrow a socket?"

Never say "No" to the plumbers, electricians, mechanics and heating engineers, so I said, "No."

... But I was intrigued. Giving it 5 minutes, I popped in to the kitchen and found a scene of epicurean delights: the kitchen had the contents of a small deli spread out on the counters and a sandwich toaster plugged in to one of the sockets and on full go.
Keef had just popped his Bavarian ham and Gruyere with Dijon mustard on wholemeal into the toaster and was busy with the designer teas.

Brine was just finishing wrapping his chicken tikka, coconut sprinkles and lime pickle on a chupatti when he turned to Pa'rick and asked, "A bit of chilli lime wif yours?"

To which Pa'rick said, "Nah mate! It don't go wif smoked mackerel, coleslaw and bagel."

I thought wryly of the old days when a mug of plain brown tea and a ham sammidge or a mee-pie was a good lunch.

.. And I also realised that I would seem to be incredibly country bumpkin if I had the scrambled egg-on-toast lunch that I'd planned. The builders would think that the Ultra-Cool Ninja-Granny was a hick!

Panic. Maybe if I lobbed some mayonnaise at it and called it "Oeufs Florentine"?

OU EST (WHERE IS) ROBERT ROBIN?
Robert Robin is the cheeky little Robin red-breast who controls our bird table.
Please, please pronounce Robert's name correctly with a French intonation that makes it sound like, "Rrobb-air Rrobb-een". (Be sure and roll your arrs.) He thinks he's French, but only speaks the accent fluently, without a trace of the language.

Anyway, "Rrobb-air Rrobb-een" sits in a bare bush close to the feed table and if any pigeon (10x his size) or blackbird (5x his size) dares to alight on the table our bossy, little Robert puffs up his red breast and slowly hops up and down on his branch, tweeting in incredulous irritation.

If the trespassing bird doesn't fly off (tweet-sweet?) he hops up and down with increasing fury and his shrill tweets become more and more profane. Honestly, the air turns blue with his bad language

(Actually, we think that's probably what's made him think he can speak French. It's when his long-suffering wife, Rubecula, sitting on a nearby branch, chirps in to say, "Tsss! Really Robert, mind your French!! )

When he can no longer bounce safely, without "poinnng-ing" off the branch, he points his beak like a tiny, mini heat-seeking missile and launches himself towards the other bird - who departs in a flurry of alarm at being attacked by such a smal, aggressive ball of fury.

Yesterday I noticed that only Rubecula was on her branch. No sign of Robert.
I hope nothing has happened to our little dictator.

If he comes back, I shall make him feel better by telling him that the Blackbird's real name, in latin, is turdus turdus.

Today is the day we are supposed to be getting our heating back. Please, please, please.

Have a superlovely, delicious day my friend.
The Hick Ninja-Gran xx

Copyright author, 2010